Revolver Maps

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Off The Wall While at Work

@scotty yelling
@scotty yelling

 So I Had To Go To Home Affairs B4 Work to get my visa and passport sorted out ( they kept saying for weeks they didn't have any of my paper work) COME TO FIND OUT They Have It ohhhhhh do they have it and a $ 1,000 Fine for me which they failed to call and tell me so my court date and fine date where March 11th >.< Fuckin S.A ... So Shall we get started ? This blog is just off FUN stuff Some good some not so good :) HOPE YOU ENJOY !!!!

Lets start out making fun of 2 PPL I can't Stand

Privacy Settings FAIL
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It’s a Cousinspiracy!
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Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad
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His Reign Comes to an End
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Types of people you see inside elevators/lifts
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We all spend time traveling
the lifts. If you are a lift operator you probably
spend more than eight hours inside the lifts….but since
we didn’t expect you to understand English and be
reading blogs on the internet, this blog post doesn’t
cater to your interest.
Folks working on 30 plus floors, and those with 
extremely slow elevators needn’t
despair…you might be spending more than five minutes
inside lifts but we forgive you and still cater to your
interests. Read on.

Here are the different types of people you will find
inside lifts:

The Operator
This is generally a man, and the moment he steps inside
the lift he has only one question for everybody inside
the lift: “Which floor?” He is the type that gets upset
if you have already pressed the button. Throughout the
journey, he will stand next to the buttons. If you give
him a chair to sit inside the lift he wouldn’t really
mind. He is also the guy who presses the >< and <>
buttons to close or open the lift whenever necessary.

The Evaluator
Both a man or a woman can be an evaluator. This person
runs an eye over everybody in the lift. Once the first
glance is cast, he or she then starts focusing on
individuals and starts marking them eye to toe. There
are various parameters on which such people evaluate
you – which company you could be working in, single or
married, how much you could earning, how much does that
shiny shoe cost etc.
The Starer
This is mostly a man. His job is to stare at anybody
who enters the lift. A stare back doesn’t discourage
this guy. The fact that the stare is going to last only
30+ seconds helps. Mind you, he doesn’t just stare at
women….men also end up being his target. These are
mostly men like me – going thro’ a midlife crisis and
trying to make contact with any of life form.

The Perfume Woman
In most office lifts this character is a rarity. How
often do you share a lift with a girl, who is washed
head-to-toe in perfume? This person is usually wearing
heels, dark, tight trousers with light colored shirt,
has a scarf around her neck and is holding a file or a
diary against her bosom (not to mention the branded,
big handbag or laptop hanging from her shoulder). She
steps into the lift with a few clicks of her heels, and
sets the adrenalin rush amongst the men inside. If you
see a man missing the second floor in spite of pressing
the second floor button of the lift…there are very high
chances that there is a perfume woman inside the lift.

The back-to-the-door person
This can either be a man or a woman and is most likely
to be 40+ in age. For some odd reason, they stand with
their back to the door till they reach their
destination floor – opening or closing of the lift
doesn’t help in changing their orientation. Someday I
am going to ask a back-to-the-door person to write the
alphabet ‘B’ and see if he/she write it as ‘8’…just to
be sure they aren’t dyslexic.

The Evader
This is an interesting character that becomes a part of
our lift life very often. They avoid all eye contact
when inside the lift. If you notice, they will take out
their handkerchief and play with it, then stare at the
fan or AC vent on top, then look at the buttons, stare
at the floor indicator at the top of the lift etc. They
will do anything to avoid eye contact with you – even
looking at their own shoes.

The Mobile Manager
This can both be a man or a woman. For some odd reason,
they always get emails when they are in the lift. And
when they don’t have emails to read, they would snap
out the mobiles from their pockets and send out a few
SMSes. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are just some
sms forwards. Most often, the mobile that’s involved
here is a smartphone – a Blackberry, an iPhone, an HTC
or a high end Nokia device.

The Handler
This is almost always a man. He takes it upon himself
to trigger the lift door’s sensitivity by placing his
hand next to the door till everybody isn’t inside
completely or hasn’t gone out completely. He is the
fatherly figure to every lift traveler. There is no
specific age group for this character – they range from
16 year old boys to 50 year old men.

Any other characters you can think of? 

 Jokes on Kate Middleton & Prince Williams’ Royal

Before the Royal Wedding
#Know why the Americans will love the Royal Wedding?
Because they don’t have Royalty and the closest they
can come to a Royal wedding will be when Larry King
marries Queen Latifa! (Said by Jay Leno)

#Prince Charles is over the moon at the news of Prince
Williams engagement. He said “I can’t believe my only
son is finally getting married. (Just in case you
didn’t know, it is rumored that Charles isn’t Prince

Harry’s father)

#Kate Middleton and Prince William are finally engaged
and soon to be married. Everyone seems pretty happy,
apart from Diana, who is said to be crushed. (Rude one,
I know)

#Prince William is marrying Kate Middleton. Apparently
she’s not even pregnant – is Prince William in his
right mind?

#The effects of spending tax payers money on the royal
wedding during the recessionary period has already
started showing. One day before the wedding, people had
already started sleeping on the roads opposite
Buckingham palace.

During the Royal Wedding

#The Royal Wedding, live on The Royal
Honeymoon, live on
After the Royal Wedding

#What did Williams and Kate do immediately after coming
home? They logged into their Facebook page and changed
their status to ‘married’.

#A special program on India TV immediately after the
Royal Wedding: “Kya Kate Middleton doodh leke kamre
mein jaegi? (Translation: Will Kate Middleton take the
milk and enter the room?)

#Prince Williams wed in front of 2 Billion people,
closed an entire country, drove through London in an
Aston Martin. Full marks to him – he better be getting
sex tonight.

#With the marriage, I guess Kate Middleton redefined
the phrase ‘Royally Fucked.’

#Kate Middleton has said she is devastated she never
got to meet Diana. If Williams is like his father, it
won’t be long Kate!

#Kate Middleton’s dress has brought tears to the eyes
of countless children across the world. As now they are
forced to work extra hours to make sure the replicas
are available in top bridal stores by Monday.

#The most Hilarious picture from the Royal Wedding.

Man, Bra, Pantis, Bath Salts and a Dead Goat

The more I read about people snorting bath salts the more I am beginning to think that they aren't that good for you. The case of Mark Thompson from CHARLESTON, W.Va is a good reminder. I'll post the frist paragraph of the story but you have to go to the source for the full read. It's well worth it, trust me.

"CHARLESTON, W.Va. — Police say an Alum Creek man high on bath salts killed his neighbor's pygmy goat and that neighbors found him in his bedroom, dressed in a bra and panties, next to the dead animal, said Lt. Bryan Stover of the Kanawha County Sheriff's Department."
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LINK Sorce

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Marry a teacher
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Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.

The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."

The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."

The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"

Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"

Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"

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Things Just Fallin' Off
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This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.
Duck with a dick.
@scotty yelling

If you’ve ever played with your rubber ducky while laying in the bathtub and thought to yourself, “This would be so much better if it had a dick.” Well, then please get some psychiatric help.

And then the fight started
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My girlfriend sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

My girlfriend was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my girlfriend demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

I took my girlfriend to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

I tried to talk my girlfriend into buying a case of Kingfisher for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

I asked my girl friend, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my girlfriend kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. 'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'


And then the fight started...

@scotty yelling
Speaking of that what side do you hit with ROFL 

The Sm Funny Sex Toy
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Pecker Ring Toss Glow In The Dark, perverted game for girls
@scotty yelling

If you consider yourself a girl or kinky or perverted good but you're not really like games that have to do with sex, then pay attention to this new game.

This is the Pecker Ring Toss Glow In The Dark, a penis that glows in the dark and baskets to help ensure that the hoops in the phosphorescent member.

You see girls, this game is so fun time in the company of your friends and see it when they are not ideal but nothing to do and most of all when they are so spirited that do not have a member thereabouts.


Arthur (2011)
@scotty yelling
Arthur: Why didn't you tell me before?
Hobson: I didn't want you to feel bad.
Arthur: Why are you telling me now?
Hobson: Because I want you to feel bad.


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WE are Going old Skool 
with the song :)

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I Figure I Ran out of Elvis Lyrics actually it is time to get off work ")
I Will have Elvis stuff up next time :)

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