Revolver Maps

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Elvies IS Alive !!!

Got Your Attention :)
@scotty yelling
Nerd Alert! Nerd Alert!
Okay, I need someone who reads Japanese!

I found these online while looking for a punch-line and "OMG!" (That's right. I "textspoke!" I can be hip and groovy like the kids these days!)


I didn't know such a thing existed. Needing!

I must have 2 pairs. Quickly before my A.D.D. kicks in and...

Ahh, screw it. Let's Just Jedi It :)

The Dialectizer
So, today, fer some reasing, me inner dialox was soundings like  Popeye’s! And, fer some addishkinal reasing, I descideds to writes me posking in this styles.

Forchkinately for youse, I hasn’t muchk to says. But this IS hows I introduoosks a neats prink converter calls “The Dialesktizers.”

All ya does, is selesks a certain website, (I suggesks any funny URL CNN ROFL!) and enters its URL into the box. The seleck the Dialesk youse wants it converted to: Redneck, Jives, Cockney, Elmer Fudd, Swedish Chef, and others. Not Popeyes! That one is reserved in my head ROFL, Elmer Fudd is funny as hell .
@scotty yelling

And Thanks to for more great time-wasting fun!

Elvis Deciphered

I’ve been an Elvis fan for a while now.His bluesier stuff are my faves, but I really dug it when he got funky in the sixties, with songs “ A Little Less Conversation,” “Burning Love,” and “Viva las Vegas.”

A great voice, and awesome songs, sure, but there was something else. Oh sure, everybody knows the “Pelvis” gyrations and the subtle sexuality played a huge role in his success, but closer inspection of some of his songs reveals some hidden subtext, much too controversial to be blatant, but it’s there, BETWEEN the lines. See what I mean...

“Its Now Or Never” This one is pretty obvious. It could have been titled, “Put out or get out!” I mean check out some of these lyrics:

“...Tomorrow will be too late,

it's now or never

My love won't wait.”

“Stuck On you” A cute little bubblegum pop song, right? Cute little bubblegum pop song about a STALKER!!! Check it out!

“Hide in the kitchen, hide in the hall,

Ain't gonna do you no good at all.

'Cause once I catch ya and the kissin' starts

A team o' wild horses couldn't tear us apart”

Catch that on tape, ladies, and you got probable cause! Or at least a restraining order!

“Way Down” A great little piece of funk in that guit-riff. But why is it SO damned appealing? Oh, of course! Its a song about Oral Sex! C’mon:

“I need you so, Baby, let's go

Way down - where it feels so good

Way down - where I hoped it would

Way down - where I never could

Way down, down, way, way on down”

“Teddy Bear” One of the cutest little S&M songs ever!

“...Put a chain around my neck

and lead me anywhere...” and

“I don't wanna be a tiger

'Cause tigers play too rough.”

“All Shook Up” 40 years before the advent of Grunge, Elvis opens up and sings a detox song...

“My tongue gets tied when I try to speak

My insides shake like a leaf on a tree

There's only one cure for this body of mine

That's to have “that girl” that I love so fine!”

There are many more hidden meanings in the man’s work. An ambitious guy with plenty of time and a conspiracy-oriented mentality could even write a doctorate on this topic!

Such as:

Burnin’ Love - Venereal Disease

Kissin’ Cousins - Incest

How the Web Was Woven - MySpace/Facebook affairs, (Again prophetic!)

Edge of Reality - Drug Trip

Witchcraft - Satan Worship

I’ll Never Let You Go - Hostage Situation/Love Slave

Mystery Train - Drugs

Milkcow Blues Boogie - Demonic Possession

You’re A Heartbreaker - Premeditated Homicide

I Got Stung - And again, Drugs

And the list goes on! What does it mean? What would that same ambitious dude with a shitload of free time and a conspiracy-oriented mentality read into this?

He might ask himself “How could a dirt-poor country cracker go from redneck truck driver to King of Rock and Roll/Movie Star/Legend?” “Why was he so compelled to sing of these topics?” “Why was he taken so young?” “Did he make a pact with the Devil for his fame and immortal legend?”

Elvis Presley: King of Rock & Roll, or Prince of Darkness?

Holy shit! I’m glad I am not a very ambitious guy. I don’t like this. (Plus, coming up with this crap takes a lot of work!)

@scotty yelling

Elvis STILL rocks, by the way. !!! unnnhuuu huuuuuuuu

What to teach...
I am continuously amazed that there are what I always considered fundamentally important things that so many people have never learned.

From an early age, schools, (preschools, kindergartens, primary schools,) should be teaching REAL life lessons that will make each student more welcomed in society later in their lives.

Here are a few examples:

- Courtesy flush! Seriously. This is not that difficult.

- Basic road rules: Turning left? Get on the frigging left!

- Deodorant and mouthwash aren't signs of conformity, you damned hippy!

- More basic road rules: Slower traffic stay right.

- Beer before liquor, et cetera.

- Yankees DO, in fact, suck!

- Disco STILL sucks

- In selecting a movie, beware anything that has Pauly Shore remotely associated with it. (File under “things that suck.”)

- 72.5% of all statistics are bullshit.

- Keep your eye on the fat kid. Trust me. Funny shit will ensue.

- Winning is important, but its the SECOND mouse gets the cheese.

Lets make tomorrow better. Kids need to learn this shit.

Almost Time for Halloween SOOOOOO :)

Left Over Hallowe'en Candy Ideas
First of all, I am not gonna speculate on the reason for only a single 'Trick or Treater' visiting last year, I am sure they had their reasons, and I am sure it was nothing personal.

I'm sure.

But the fact of the matter is, I now have one and a half metric shitloads of Halloween candy lying around, and if I don't want to force my dentist into buying a "Widebody Deluxe" dentistry chair, I need to find some other use for them aside from calling them full meals.

So, I comprised a list of 'Left Over Hallowe'en Candy Ideas'. (Feel free to use any if you, too, were snubbed by these little costumed beggars!)

- Alternative Gratuities: "Ahh, the service was excellent. And here are some Goobers for you, my good man!"

- 'Will-Work-For-Food' Wages: Let's see just how truthful those signs are. Clean out my gutters, cut and rake the lawn, and take out the trash. The pay is 8 Kit Kats and 12 Twizzlers per hour!

- Christmas Stocking Stuffers: Oh, sure. Like none of you have thought of this!

- Put it with the Crucifix and the Kryptonite: Now you can ward off Vampires, Superman AND Diabetics!

- 'Lawn Fishing' Squirrel Bait: Okay, this one is directed more towards those readers in the south...

- "Snickers Stuffing": Thanksgiving is right around the corner, y'know!

And, of course,
- Creative, (and Tasty!) Cocktail Garnishes: Reese's Cups go awesome with Amaretto, I, uh, happen to know.

@scotty yelling

Enjoy, Moreno10  !!! ROFL

The BEST things about Hallowe'en...
Halloween is great fun in so many ways. The fancy-dress parties, watching the religious zealots lose their shit, public drunkenness... I mean, what's not to love!?!

In fact, there is so much that I love about Hallowe'en, that I decided to do a Letterman-style Top Ten List. (Please the note the "high road" of not resorting to a Letterman infidelity joke. Thank you.)

So, here now is my...

Top Ten Reasons Why Hallowe'en Is So Friggin' Cool!

10. Month-Long Horror Movie marathons, (Piranha 2: The Spawning?)

9. Jesus Freaks in Downtown Salem are so easy to get going!

8. The ability to wear a mask into stores, restaurants, et cetera. It's like a License to Stalk!

7. The ability to carry a real sword in public without arousing suspicion. "No! It ain't concealed!"

8. Enough candy left over from the beggar-training to block a colon!

5. All of the Sexy Witch/Cat/Vampire/Maid/ Devil/Bunny/Slut costumes!!!

4. I can finally get rid of those eggs that I have been saving since Hallowe'en '06!

3. I can bury things in my yard at night and people think I am being "seasonally festive" and "fun!"

2. Victims come right to the door. No reason to rent a van!

1. So much really poor-taste blogging material!

And lastly, my Bonus Reason:
All of those great scares, spooks and surprises!
@scotty yelling

Actually one year i won a DRESS UP YOUR CAR CONTEST FIRST PLACE !!! Cant take the kid out of me !! 

@scotty yelling
Happy Hallowe'en! In One Month ROFL don't have Hallowe'en HERE >.< SUX

Have A great Wednesday and as "ALWAYS DON"T WORK TO HARD"  Smile Be Happy :)

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