Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Damn! Never knew that!!!

@scotty yelling

@scotty yelling

Hello Folk :) Well Today is just a Slow Long Day so far >.<
lots of work to get to and no time ROFL J/k No Really Lots of work doing
4 designs for clients which adds uo to 16 cause you have to give them a
chose.Any one have any good IDEAS on a Ranch, Stable, and Stud Logo ? Ohhhh
here is the catch from the CLIENT " NO HORSES or Stuff That has to do with
it" HUHHHHHHAAAaaaaaa ummmmmmmmm Ok !!! LOL . On another note, as I was
Reading the news today ( I love U.S. News) no really I do !! I miss my
HOME!! ( that is for another bloggy day) WTF is Liquid cremation??? I was
reading as was thinking ok sounds cool...Then I read "Good For the
environment and turns the remains into 200 gallons of liquid fertilizer.
Ummmmm for our food? Come on that is a joke right ? I mean haven't scientist
seen the horror movies ROFL.I for one don't want to be eating something that
came from Uncle joe blows body.Woulden't that make just the coolest Zombie
Movie :) Attack of The Liquafied Zombies. or Ohhhh No Uncle Joe..I'm just sayin..

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Missing Something? Other Than a Brain…
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No matter how many times this happens, it still never ceases to amaze me. Even if it happens more than once in a same emergency call.
A man who called police to report a theft including his pot in the list of missing items…and then it gets weird, according to the The Oregonian.
The man told police he was “angry” because someone had stolen his weed, which is odd, not because he actually told police that he had weed in his position but because he was “angry.” How does a stoner get mad? (I swear that’s not the setup to a joke.)
Then he gets in his car and calls police to further express his anger over the department’s lack of efficiency in finding his weed. It turns out he was driving drunk when he made the second call. Quite a shocker, huh? He was able to get a clear cell phone signal from his car?!?

 Window Pains...
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Normally, there is nothing funny about a deadly drive-by shooting, even if
the plot is botched. Notice that I said normally.
An attempted drive-by shooting was stopped when the shooter forgot to roll
down his window, according to CityPages.

On the one hand, it’s good to know that no one was seriously hurt. On the
other, I just know Windex is itching at the chance to turn this into a 

testimonial commercial.
The shooter even had the window repaired and filed it as an insurance claim.
Who says car insurance is so smart that a “caveman can do it”? 

Would You Like Sprinkles With That?
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Not EVERY creepy person is a criminal. Most of us have been out and about
long enough to see our share of whackos. The guy in the Chuckie Cheese
costume? No, not jail material. The old lady in your neighborhood with a
license in taxidermy? Very creepy, but not illegal.
Also, sometimes the LEAST dangerous-looking people are the ones police have
to look out for. These two dudes from the Washington Post seem to have
forgotten that important fact. After shoplifting almost $500 worth of soap
and shampoo from a local CVS (Yes. Out of all the wonderful, exquisite
things in a drugstore, they stole SOAP), they made their getaway in a stolen

Good Humor ice cream truck. This plan seemed to be working out well until a
mob of angry children suffering from sugar-withdrawal chased them down,
demanding frozen treats. Just kidding! A few days later, the police received
a call about the crime and began to chase the suspects down. Lucky for the
cops, there was only one suspicious-looking ice cream truck going 80 miles
per hour. Eventually, it crashed into another car and the two men were
arrested on charges of theft, reckless driving, and eluding the police. So,
the moral of the story is: no matter how great it seems, a truckful of ice
cream is NOT the answer to everything.

An Apology Would Have Sufficed… 
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Failed relationships seem to be a common theme in the world of crime. But
how often does the criminal get arrested for trying to fix it?
According to True Crime Report, this Pittsburgh man was feeling slightly
guilty after repeatedly shoving his girlfriend into a wall. Although he
apparently has the strength of a gorilla, it would be a stretch to say his
intelligence is superior to one. Feeling guilty for hurting his special
girl, he racked what little brains he had for a way to make it up to her.

Now, the ideal boyfriend would write an apology letter, send roses, break
out the choco—wait! The ideal boyfriend wouldn’t have brutally acquainted
her back with his wall in the first place. But this guy decided that the
best way to show his remorse and devotion was to burn every single picture
and memento from his previous relationship. Oh, and did I mention he lit the
fire inside the house? The terrified girl escaped the flames and notified
the police, who arrested Mr. Right for charges of assault, arson, and more.
Needless to say, that is one breakup not even Taylor Swift could write a
successful song about.

Am I Certified…Now?
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Valuable Lesson Number One: There will come times in your life where the
only thing left to do is shake your head and walk away. After reading this
article from ABC Action News, I did just that; along with crying a few tears
of pity for humankind.

A rather old man was spotted walking down a Pennsylvania highway. It became
apparent that he had had one drink too many after he stopped walking and
attempted to resuscitate a dead possum. Yes, you read that right. A stiff,
flattened possum, well beyond the point of revival. Nevertheless, he
performed a CPR that would make any lifeguard proud. The police, not quite
sure what to make of this strange medical procedure, promptly arrested him
for public drunkenness. No word yet on whether the possum corpse has been
diagnosed with mono.

Driving While Inane
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Drinking and driving is never funny, but I’m willing to make an exception in this case.

A man celebrating the end of his 20 year jail sentence for driving while intoxicated get busted for driving while intoxicated, according to theAssociated Press.
He spent 19 years in prison to be exact, after getting busted seven times for driving under the influence. You know, I’m no criminologist, but I’m starting to see a pattern here.
Naturally, the man entered “not guilty” pleas in court on his latest driving charges. Two more and he gets a free pizza. 

And Now…Tampons! 
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I can’t fathom a reason why someone out there would want to steal a two ton
shipment of feminine hygiene products and maybe I just really don’t want to
because I like sleeping without waking up screaming.
A woman or (even weirder) possibly a man stole more than a half a million
worth of different feminine products from sanitary napkins to tampons,
according to The Cabin.

The thieves broke into several shipping containers to steal their loot. If I
were the owner of this company, I would have some big concerns with
protection issues for my products.
Once they entered the containers, they picked the boxes clean and left the
area high and dry, much like the grass after a summer rain or the beach on a
cool breeze, the kind of comfort that only a woman can appreciate.

His Guilt is Written on His Face
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Some stories simply defy description.
Police arrested a man who had a bag of marijuana taped to his forehead,
according to The Patriot News.
He actually had it tucked away in a baseball cap or so he thought.
Apparently, he lost the baggie and didn’t know it was stuck to his forehead.
Luckily, an officer was there to help find it for him.
The officer charged him with possession. Who knew you could be charged with
possessing something and it didn’t have to involve your hands?

Man and Car on Fire-car
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Drinking and driving is never a good idea. Drinking and driving a car that’s
on fire should never even cross your mind. If it does, drinking won’t help
make it go away.
Police arrested the driving of a flaming car with driving while intoxicated,
according to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.
And when I say “flaming,” I don’t mean a ridiculously loud car that even
Liberace wouldn’t drive. I mean, it was actually on fire.
Police plan on charging the man with a DWI and it’s not “driving while inflammable.”

Call of the Weird 
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This kind of thing happens so many times that I’m literally running out of
jokes to make about it. If only someone would have the smarts to do it
differently like while wearing a funny hat or behind the wheel of a clown
car. That, of course, implies that they have smarts to begin with, so that
won’t happen. Thanks fate.
Another stoner called the police to report his stolen bag of pot, according
to 3news.co.nz.

This time it was a 54-year-old who reported her missing pot. Talk about a
hot flash.
She told police two men had broken into her home and demanded she give them
her pot plants, so they arrested and booked her for possession of something
she no longer had in her possession. The law’s funny, ain’t it?

Drugs Impare Your Judgement..
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Sometimes I wonder if court houses should be required to equip brain
detectors instead of metal detectors.
A guy going into one courthouse put his bag of marijuana into the pocket
bowl before walking through the metal detector, according to the Abliene
Reporter News.
In his defense, putting a bowl in front of a pothead is just asking for trouble.
Police arrested him on the spot and took him to the county jail, saving
untold man-hours and local tax dollars by committing his crime in a law
enforcement building. I wonder if the county will nominate him for the good
citizen award?

You’re No Fun Anymore-- 
@scotty yelling

Note to self: judges are not “Monty Python” fans.
A man facing sentencing told a judge to “get on with it” as the judge was
speaking, according to the Morning Call.
The defendant told the judge to just sentence him and “let [him] go about
his business.” So the judge did just that and sentenced him to 41 years in prison. Looks like he’s in the cigarette business.
When the defendant also told him to hurry this because “I don’t have time
for this.” The judge responded, “You’ll have all the time in the world.”
It’s time like this I wish judges had sidekicks.  

Rather Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On--
@scotty yelling

A word of warning: if you’re going to write a headline like that and need some art to accompany it, keep the “safe search” option in the “on” position on Google Images. It’ll save you a lot of headaches…and stomach aches.(that is more funny  then the story)
A woman got busted for urinating on a police station, according to the AP.
Good for them. I’m sick of women always treat the world like it is their urinal.
Why didn’t she just use the police station’s bathroom? Because they wouldn’t
let her and told her to “take it outside.” So she did. daa dhaa daaa >.<

Knowing is Half the Battle
@scotty yelling

Once and for all, for the last time, I’m not going to repeat myself: saying
“I didn’t know” does not change anything. It doesn’t make your girlfriend
un-pregnant. It doesn’t bring back your dog Scruffy and it sure as hell
won’t get your charges dropped.
A Jamaican man who hijacked a passenger jet had just that excuse for his
actions: “I dunno,” according to the CBC.

He literally said through his attorney that he did not know hijacking a
plane full of people was illegal. Come on dude, it didn’t work when you were
five when you took over the school bus at gunpoint. What made you think it
would work this time?

Defense attorneys were trying to claim a mental illness defense for his
actions, but the judge didn’t buy it and found him guilty. Again, if the
Enron executives couldn’t get out of a mental illness defense…

That’s Not Write...
@scotty yelling

People who aren’t smart enough to know the difference between breaking and
following the law probably didn’t have much schooling, but at least some of
them were smart enough to grasp concepts beyond a 3rd grade level.
A bank robbery attempt was foiled because the teller couldn’t read the
robber’s sloppy note, according to the AP.

The teller actually handed the note back to the robber so he could rewrite
it. It must have been on one of those lined sheets of paper that teachers
use to teach their student cursive handwriting.
As the robber rewrote his note, the teller stepped back and activated a
silent alarm. Police arrested him and sentenced him to write “I will not rob
banks” 1,000 times on a large blackboard. 

 A Real Weiner
@scotty yelling

We set our standards pretty low in this world. It used to be that our dreams
reached as high as the sky, with visions of wealth, fame and power as
rewards for hard work and strong determination. Now our highest dream
consists of a comfy chair and a hot dog.
Just such a theory was proved when a robber got sentenced to hard time for
stealing a hot dog, according to the AP.

That’s right, the man actually pulled a gun on another guy just so he could
have his hot dog. He took the hot dog and immediately devoured it. I wonder
if he would have been given less time if he agreed to give the hot dog back?
He was sentenced under an obscure ruling that nets food thieves prison time
called McDonald v. Hamburglar.

@scotty yelling

Rug Rats Chuky as the Hamburglar :)

Paid in Fool
@scotty yelling

Bills suck. You work hard to pay them on time and if you’re a millimeter
late with the check, they charge you up the ying-yang. You can never find a
stamp to mail them the money or an easy way to pay them online. Sometimes
you have to break into a woman’s house just to pay them.
One man broke into his ex’s place just so he could pay his bills, according
to the Metrowest Daily News.

He broke both the front door and the window of the home, so he could get on
his ex-wife’s computer to pay his bills. Well it’s not his fault that she’s
too cheap to pay for wi-fi.
Police arrested him for breaking into the home and because of his arrest, he
missed paying his bills on time. Now he’ll never get to watch “Wall-E” on

A Bicycle Built for a Boob 
@scotty yelling

Bike riding must be a hard sport. I say must because the only man-powered
machine I operate on a daily basis is my television and my Computer. Maybe
bikers aren’t that smart after all.
That would explain why this rider thought he could outrun the police on his
little bicycle, according to the Lancashire Evening Post.

The police car passed by the man on the bicycle, so he flipped them a rather
rude gesture. Something to do with Mothers’ Day, I believe.
The cop turned on his siren lights and ordered the man to pull over, but the
cyclist refused. So a chase ensued…for about five seconds. 

@scotty yelling
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I Am Number Four (2011)
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Elvis Presley - Apron Strings
@scotty yelling


It’s good to be free, I don’t want to breeze
They come and they go, whenever I please
Well, honey your love is good for my wings
‘Cause I wanna be tied, tied, tied, tied, tied to your apron strings

I kiss you goodnight and what do I do
I hurry on home and dream about you
It’s crazy I know, but just one of those things
I wanna be tied, tied, tied, tied, tied to your apron strings

Chorus: Well, you hold my hand and that burns like a fire
You kiss my lips and the flame goes higher
Such a lucky devil to find a little lady like you

I’m crossing my heart and I’m telling no lies
So hold me real close and close your eyes
I think you’re real close, like I need to cling
I wanna be tied, tied, tied, tied, tied to your apron strings

I kiss you goodnight and what do I do
I hurry on home and dream about you
It’s crazy I know, but just one of those things
I wanna be tied, tied, tied, tied, tied to your apron strings

Well, you hold my hand and that burns like a fire
You kiss my lips and the flame goes higher
Such a lucky devil to find a little lady like you

I’m crossing my heart and I’m telling no lies
So hold me real close and close your eyes
I think you’re real close, like I need to cling
I wanna be tied, tied, tied, tied, tied to your apron strings
I wanna be tied, tied, tied, tied, tied to your apron strings
I wanna be tied, tied, tied, tied, tied to your apron strings

@scotty yelling
Have a happy tied up Tuesday! ;)
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