Welcome To Todays Blog
Since i am Behind in my Exam Studies This One Will
Be Kinda Short >.<
2 women Drunk and have to Pee
know where this is going :)
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the
other husband and said: 'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!'
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her rear that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station..
We'll never forget you.''
Are you sure that's what its for?
Perhaps he has dropped his glasses and is trying to retrieve them!
HOW TO TRAP A BEAR - AND PAY FOR IT!
A Pennsylvanian hunter has been found guilty of illegally using doughnuts to bait and shoot the largest bear killed in the state during the 2009 season.
On Thursday, Charles Olsen, 39, from Wilkes-Barre, was ordered to pay $6,800 in fines and restitution, plus court costs.
The hunter admitted using bait to attract the 50st 7lb bear, the Pennsylvanian Game Commission said.
The commission said Olsen first raised suspicions when he was spotted driving a lorry loaded with sweet pastries through a heavily hunted area.
Olsen faces the loss of hunting privileges for three years.
A ROAD SIGN WARNING OF PROSTITUTES IS CONFUSING MOTORISTS IN ITALY
The red-bordered triangular sign shows a scantily-clad woman, who is also carrying a handbag, in the city of Treviso in northern Italy.
The sign states 'Attenzione Prostitute' - seemingly warning people of prostitutes in the area.
Motorists and pedestrians have complained that the sign is 'confusing', saying they don't know if it means to watch out for crossing hookers or if it means prostitutes operate in the area.
One local Dino Vezino, 34, said: "I was driving in to work and saw this sign and had to slow down to get a proper look.
"I couldn't believe it - the woman has a mini-skirt and high heels on and very big breasts.
"I just couldn't work out what it was for?
"Does it mean I have to look out for prostitutes crossing or that they are available around here?"
DOG-O-MATIC ( I Love This One Funny as Hell, not for the dog,
Look At The poor Dog )
In France Romain Jarry has designed the Dog-O-Matic washing machine.
It’s pretty much just what it sounds like: a washing machine for dogs.
The owner selects the “wash cycle” and the dog size before putting the dog in the washer.
Then you press the button and the dog gets washed.
Mr Jarry said: ‘It doesn’t take long to wash the dog – usually a few minutes.
The longest part is the drying. The dogs don’t seem to get bored. They just sit there and they come out clean.
It costs about $25 to wash a small dog, $45 to wash a medium dog, and $60 to wash a large dog.
You can wash a cat (if you dare) for the small dog price. The machine has been a huge success in Jarry’s hometown in France.
This dog doesn't look too happy though and who knows the psychological damage caused by shutting an animal in such a contraption. Is This Not Animal Abuse? Damn Freanch Women ROFL!!!
Facebook as God, Lincoln or Galileo might have used it!
“Two words: Ground Beef”
“…And a 6.8 from the Spanish Judge.”
“This is how God plays darts.”
Funny Vintage Ads – Baby Edition
While the world was still advertising cigarettes, tape worms, and spousal abuse in its popular magazines, what kind of marketing was there for the babies?
Terrifying marketing, that’s what kind.
Babies are belligerent, messy, loud, and incoherent on the best day. Who in heck decided thought giving them a sugary soda would be a good idea?
Oh come on. How is a horrifying, probably-wasted baby going to sell any razors? Did people apply to marketing teams way back when? Or did the world just hate babies?
Apparently so! Hey, ladies! Here’s a tanning light! We promise it won’t burn you – just test it out on your brand new baby.
…actually, you know what? If this is what babies looked like 50+ years ago, it’s no wonder parents were trying to cook them and drink them to death. That thing is terrifying.
You know what? Babies are terrifying. What is their deal. They’ve probably been messed up ever since the first person decided to give them caffeine and alcohol.
…So remember. Don’t cook your babies or give them drugs or let them near razors or do anything else the ’50s tell you to.
Danananananananana – BAT BRA!
Essentially, a young woman feels a vibrating sensation under her clothes all day but ignores it as her cell phone. After about five hours though, she has a look and discovers a tiny sleeping bat nestled in her bosom.
Awww, why wouldn’t you want one of those cuddling you in close quarters? I mean, besides the rabies and them being flying rats oh heavens oh no.The bat was gently removed and set free, and I am completely confused. I mean, I can understand the movement being confusing. It’s not one’s first instinct to conclude an animal must be crawling around in one’s clothes – cell phone seemed a pretty rational reasoning there. But…bats are mammals, right? They produce heat? How do you not notice a tiny little heater in your clothes?But however it happened, this might be one of the first bats to reach second base. !! :)
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English , nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
MOVIE TIME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Todays Movie IS Awesome OLD But AWSEOME
Todays Movie Quote and Pic
Eddie Murphy Delirious (1983)
Eddie Murphy Delirious (1983)
Eddie Murphy: [as his drunk father] You told me you met your wife on a motherfuckin' camping trip and that she was Puerto Rican. Your wife ain't no motherfuckin'
Puerto Rican. I thought she was when I first met, because I walk up and say 'hello, good to meet you, my name is Vernon' and she say 'Hi, I'm Bunny, goonie goo goo'.
What the fuck does goonie goo goo mean, Gus? I still don't know what that shit means to this day. I though I'd learned some new Spanish shit! I walk up to my friend
and say 'Hey, Sanchez, goonie goo goo!' and Sanchez say 'Get the fuck out of here!'
Eddie Murphy: [as drunk father] Why can't she walk a step? You know why she can't a step? Because she's a fat, hairy bitch.
Eddie Murphy: [as his drunk father] Your wife's a Bigfoot, isn't she, Gus? Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she? That's why the bitch's moustache is so motherfuckin'
thick... 'cause you shaved the bitch down and taught her to speak. I know a motherfuckin' Bigfoot when I see one! Don't bring a Bigfoot into my home, Gus! With my
children? The bitch can't talk! She can't walk a flight of steps! She's not trained well, Gus! She can *not* walk steps! I'll bet she climbs the fuck outta trees,
though, don't she, Gus? Doesn't she? DOESN'T SHE? But you got to not bring her around here - fuck her! And your motherfuckin' children? They're Bigfeet, too. They're
half-Bigfoot, Gus, 'cause the motherfuckers is 6 years old and have Afros 17 inches long. They're little hairy motherfuckers, just like their mother. Look at the
motherfuckers! You know how I found out they was Bigfoot - when I realized your wife was a Bigfoot when I took your kids fishing last week. I put the motherfuckers in
the boat, Gus, and I took the worm and I put it on the hooks. And they both sat there, and they put their poles down in the motherfuckin' boat, and slammed their faces
in the water for 2 minutes! And I think, "What the fuck are these kids doin'?" Then they start moving their heads like this
[quickly shakes head back and forth]
Eddie Murphy: and the motherfuckers come up with fish! I jumped back and said, "Can you believe this motherfuckin' shit?" Then the kid took the fish out his mouth and
looked at his brother and said, "Goonie-Goo-Goo." What the fuck is going on here? Normal kids don't do shit like that, Gus. But I'm gonna tell you something,
motherfucker. You can take your motherfuckin' hairy fat-ass wife moustache bitch out the fuck, you can go upstairs and get the motherfuckin' dog and scoop up the shit
and take Eddie and get these mothafuckin' long Angela Davis afro-wearin' motherfuckin' kids of yours and put them in the motherfucking "Goonie-Goo-Goo"-mobile and get
the fuck out! And if my wife don't like that, she can get the fuck out, too!
[Eddie mimes his shoe-throwing noise]
Eddie Murphy: You missed me, bitch!
Have A great Day " DONT WORK TO HARD"