OFF Stuff For Fun Reads: Waky Wednesday


@scotty yelling

HELLO FOLK LOL

DAMN IT IS COLD TODAY >.< not to mention this cold is KICKING MY ASS , But Enough about me Let's Get To The Show. OHHHHHH !!! and DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK TOMORROW FOR

THE THANKSGIVING SPECIAL

I WILL make it as fun as possable ( I AM SAD I AM AWAY FROM HOME AND WILL MISS

MISS IT AND ALL MY LOVED ONES )

FTW .... Duct Tape!

@scotty yelling

MySpace and Facebook Meet In Person For The First Time

@scotty yelling

Facebook: Hey.
MySpace: Sup.
Facebook: So's it going?
MySpace: It's going great, actually. How are things with you?
Facebook: Not bad. Not bad at all.
MySpace: I mean, you had a pretty good idea to start with.
Facebook: Now what is THAT supposed to mean.
MySpace: You and I both know that you based Facebook on MySpace.
Facebook: WHAT!? That's ridiculous. I don't see your users poking each other!
MySpace: That's because my users aren't GAY.
Facebook: No no, it's not like that, it's like a poke on the shoulder. Or something.
MySpace: Oh, okay.GAY.
Facebook: Well it's not as gay as Tom.
MySpace: You take that back.
Facebook: I will not.
MySpace: You take that back RIGHT. NOW.
Facebook: (singing) Tom is gay, Tom is gay.
MySpace: Yeah well at least he's not looking for "whatever he can get."
Facebook: We added that option as a JOKE.
MySpace: Oh, sure you did. Just like you added Live Feed to "keep people up to date."
Facebook: Don' even start with Live Feed. We asked our users what they wanted!
MySpace: Oh yeah, nice open letter, you homo.
Facebook: IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT THE USERS WANT!
MySpace: Lame.
Facebook: You're just jealous because your users are all old and creepy now.
MySpace: If by old and creepy you mean famous musicians, then yes, yes they are.
Facebook: That is NOT what I meant, I meant what I said.
MySpace: Watch it, Facebook. Don't make me call my Top 8.
Facebook: Oh, I'm so scared. Well YOU don't make me call my...my...
MySpace: Your what? Your "Friends We Have In Common"?
Facebook: Shut up, that's a very helpful feature! Better than "Who I'd Like To Meet"!
MySpace: Yeah, well you FREE IPOD CLICK HERE TO WIN
(pause)
Facebook: What the hell was that?!
MySpace: Oh nothing, don't worry about that, I have a tic and sometimes-
Facebook: That was a pop-up, wasn't it??
MySpace: I HAVE A TIC!!!
Facebook: Hahaha you have pop-ups and you can't control them!
MySpace: I can to! I can stop them whenever I want!
Facebook: Whatever you say, sell-out.
MySpace: Oh I'm sorry, what? I can't hear you over the sound of my money.
[Silence. A door opens]
Friendster: Oh, hey guys!! What's going on??
MySpace/Facebook: Fag.

Tom from Myspace Joins Facebook

@scotty yelling

Real Facebook ads for old people

A while ago I noticed that Facebook ads had started to be tailored to me by my age and younger. For example one ad had the headline "22 year-old gamer?". While I am not a 22 year old gamer yet a 37 year old gamer ( pathedic i know ), I was getting sick of the constant ads for "BBW Girls" and gay sex so I decided to change my birthday from 1972 to 1906. The change yielded the expected results...

Note: This is not a joke, these are actual Facebook ads that came up on my profile.

That's pretty normal, older people should be worried about their retirement money, but then they started getting a little better...

@scotty yelling

There is no way that guy is over 55. Then I discovered something great...

@scotty yelling

A social networking site like Facebook but without those pesky youngsters with their hip-hop music and their short pants! Where do I sign up?! (I actually did sign up and it was worth it, providing me with, literally, minutes of entertainment). But it gets better...

@scotty yelling

A social networking site for radiologists. Why didn't I think of that?! I could have been a millionaire! Why Facebook assumed that I'm a radiologist, I have no idea, but this one is a little harder to sign up for than TBD. My application is still pending. But wait, there's more...

@scotty yelling

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis at 102.

@scotty yelling

Nothing bad can come of this! Sign me up!

Old people love fireplaces. FACT.

@scotty yelling

My OWN stem cells? Psh, I'll just get 'em from the abortion clinic like everybody else.

OK Enough with picking on Facebook and Myspace

A Kid Whose Parents Just Got Divorced Writes A Book ( AWWWWW How Cute )

@scotty yelling

A Love Affair Chronicled by 90's Song Titles

@scotty yelling

Him: 'Are You Gonna Go My Way?'
Her: 'Hold My Hand'
Him: 'My Name is...' 'Jeremy'
Her: 'Whatta man.'
Him: 'You're Makin' Me High.'
Her: 'Drive.'
Him: 'Right Now?'
Her: 'Aint 2 Proud 2 Beg.'
Him: 'Where Do You Go?'
Her: 'Streets of Philadelphia.'
Him: 'Where it's at.'
Her: 'You Oughta Know.'
______________

Her: 'Something to Talk About.'
Him: 'What is Love?'
Her: 'Total Eclipse of the Heart.'
Him: 'That's the Way Love Goes.'
Her: 'You Make Me Wanna...' 'Set Adrift on Memory Bliss.'
Him: 'I Try.'
______________

Him: 'All I Wanna Do--'
Her: 'Don't Speak.' 'Kiss Me.'
Him: 'I'll Make Love to You.'
Her: 'Closer.' 'Come as You Are.'
Him: 'What Would You Say?'
Her: 'Push.' 'Truly Madly Deeply.'
Him: 'Baby, Baby, Baby.'
______________

Him: 'Daylight Fading.' Last Goodbye,' 'Last Kiss.'
Her: 'Say It Ain't So.'
Him: 'Gone Till November.'
Her: 'Linger.' 'Please Don't Go.'
Him: 'Keep Ya Head Up.' 'I'll Be There for You,' 'When I Come Around.'
Her: 'I'll Be Missing You.'
Him: 'All Apologies.'

"Ugh! Tell me about it!"--Terrorists

@scotty yelling

"TV Guide's" Editor Tends to Grow Restless and Stop Watching After About 10 Minutes

@scotty yelling

How the Movie Rating System Actually Works movie posters

@scotty yelling

God, According to Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark

@scotty yelling

GOD: Moses, you will take these 10 Holy Commandments down to the Israelites, so that my laws may be obeyed.

MOSES: Thank you, my Lord.

GOD: You will then seal my Commandments in a sacred ark, where they will be protected.

MOSES: But what if someone should try and open it?

GOD: Then I shall melt their faces.

MOSES: I'm... I'm sorry, my Lord. What was that?

GOD: Scary ghosts shall pop out, and I shall melt their faces. Just melt them right off, my son.

MOSES: I see.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

GOD: You have found the Holy Grail, brave crusader. Now, you shall bring it to a sacred temple and watch over it.

KNIGHT: I will not take this honor lightly, Lord. I will defend the Cup of Christ against all intruders.

GOD: That won't be necessary. For I have made the bridge to the grail invisible!

KNIGHT: Really?

GOD: Yeah, really. Plus there's like, nine spinning blades protecting it, too.

KNIGHT: Forgive me, God. But isn't there more you can do?

GOD: You don't get it, these blades are going to be spinning crazy fast. Plus I'll put like, 100 different grails

next to the real one, so nobody will know which is the real one.

KNIGHT: (pause) I see.

GOD: Also, I'll turn anyone who drinks from the wrong one into a skeleton. It'll be awesome.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

GOD: Yeah, so I pretty much melted the shit out of the faces of these Nazi's who tried to get into the Ark. Then I

turned this dude who was trying to steal my Grail into a skeleton. It was so gnar'.

KALI: Huh. I like to rip their hearts out while they're still beating. Then lower them into a lava pit.

GOD: Sick.

Seven Movie Posters That Almost Were

Traditionally, historians don't like to play "what if" with history. You can't change the past, so better to focus on what did happen, not what could have happened. Of course, while history majors were getting their PhD's, the rest of us were hanging around our dorms, wondering what it'd be like if some of our favorite films had went with their original leading men.

American Psycho(Leonardo DiCaprio as Patrick Bateman)

@scotty yelling

Shortly after its publication in 1991, Bret Easton Ellis's notoriously violent 1991 novel was deemed "unfilmable." Of course in movie parlance "unfilmable" is shorthand for "unfilmable until sufficient hype is built up," and 10 years of rumors and unproduced scripts followed -- including talk of Johnny Depp in the lead role. But it was Leonardo DiCaprio who came closest to filling Patrick Bateman's blood-splattered tennis shoes when Lions Gate Films officially announced DiCaprio was cast as the film's lead. Fortunately, DiCaprio soon realized the hordes of 13-year-old girls who fell in love with him in Titanic may not be best served by seeing their idol chase a terrified hooker with a chainsaw, and the role went to Christan Bale.

The Terminator
(OJ Simpson as The Terminator)

@scotty yelling

In 1994, OJ Simpson super-saturated all forms of media. Imagine how much worse it would have been if the alleged murderer was most famous for playing a killer future-cyborg. While a generation of late-night comedy writers and NY Post editors may mourn the missed opportunities,the rest of us can breath a collective sigh of relief that, ironically,director James Cameron thought the former running back was too much ofa "nice guy" to play his murderous robot. (In another near miss,Cameron failed to get Billy Idol for the liquid metal killer in T2,precluding the possibility of a Skynet into punk rock chic.)

Lord of the Rings
(Stuart Townsend as Aragorn)

@scotty yelling

After only four days of shooting, producers fired Stuart Townshend for being "too young", which is probably movie code for being "too much of an insufferable sissy boy". It was a smart move - alongside a prepubescent hobbit, a clownish dwarf, and an elf portrayed by fresh-faced British actress Orlando Bloom, Viggo Mortensen provided some much-needed testosterone. While Townshend spent his days in an air-conditioned trailer, Viggo reportedly went so far as to live like Aragorn, hunting his own food, making his own clothes, and slaughtering marauding orcs whenever they would wander through set. (To the families of those cast members and stunt men, we offer our condolences.)

The Matrix
(Will Smith as Neo)

Hancock as our post-apocalyptic savior? Oh hell naw. Will Smith was offered the the chance to learn kung fu, but turned it down to appear in the unmitigated disaster Wild Wild West. Missing out on one of the all-time best summer movies to appear in one of the all-time worst would get most people down, but Will Smith is apparently as cheerful and positive as his rapping would lead you to believe. In an interview with Wired he commented, "I would have absolutely messed up 'The Matrix.' At that point I wasn't smart enough as an actor to let the movie be -- whereas Keanu was." It's hard to guess what Will Smith regrets more - not being in the first Matrix, or his wife's participation in the sequels.

Back to the Future
(Eric Stoltz as Marty McFly)

@scotty yelling

The story goes that Michael J. Fox was always the first choice to play Marty McFly, but couldn't due to his commitment to Family Ties (oldest excuse in the book). The producers got as far as shooting 3 million dollars worth of time travelling mayhem with Eric Stoltz, but felt he wasn't right for the part. The producers of Family Ties and Back to the Future got together - presumably over fancy cigars and brandy - and were able to work out a deal where Michael J. Fox just didn't get to sleep for a few months. But maybe, just maybe, the directors actually completed the movie with Eric Stoltz, and he became a big star. Michael J. Fox, bitter that he missed the role of a lifetime, used his Family Ties money to build a time machine, went back, and changed the past. That's an altered history even Doc Brown could be comfortable with.

Star Wars
(Kurt Russell as Han Solo)

@scotty yelling

The story of how a humble carpenter named Harrison Ford was pulled from the workshop by George Lucas and became Han Solo has become the stuff of Hollywood legend. In reality, Ford followed dozens of up-and-coming actors who lobbied to pilot the Millennium Falcon, among them Nick Notle (too grizzly), John Travolta (not grizzly enough) and Richard Dreyfuss (voice sounded too much like C-3P0). Kurt Russell was also among the Solo hopefuls, but despite the scruffy, Solo-like charm he would later demonstrate in Used Cars and Overboard, it wasn't to be. Tragic, though it gave Russell the freedom to play a one-eyed mercenary named Snake Plissken in Escape From New York, which is worth 10 Han Solos.

Raiders of the Lost Ark
(Tom Selleck as Indiana Jones)

@scotty yelling

Have you ever watched Raiders of the Lost Ark and found yourself wondering, Gee, Indiana Jones could really use a mustache. Didn't think so. Nevertheless, that's what audiences would've been treated to had George Lucas and Steven Spielberg landed Tom Selleck, he of the perpetually hairy upper lip, who was the producers' first choice to play Indiana Jones. Selleck had already won the role, but was forced to pass in order to honor his contract with Magnum P.I. Of course, there's always the possibility that, had he played Dr. Jones, Selleck would've shaved his mustache, but we're sure we speak for all Selleck aficionados when we say nobody wants that.

ANOTHER RE-RE CUT
IT... A MOVIE OF LOVE and FAMILY :) ROFL

MOVIE QUOTE and PIC of THE DAY

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She's Out of My League (2010)

@scotty yelling

OK EVERY ONE Knows I HATE CHIC FLICKS
But this one was FUCKIN FUNNY AS HELL

Stainer: Kirk that Molly girl is insanely hot.
Kirk: Yeah I know.
Stainer: So you know whats happening? She is setting you up with the bitchy friend. Which will be perfect for you because you like bitches.

Kirk: That's fine Patty is not a bitch. She's... uh... just different.
Stainer: Yeah different in that she is a bitch and other people aren't.

Kirk: How is this not gay?

Devon: I think there is nothing gay about it. The fact you are letting a straight married man shave your testicles. I think that makes you one of my most macho guys alive.

HAVE A GREAT DAY and TOMORROW HAVE A AWESOME THANKSGIVING I MISS AND LOVE YOU !!!!!!!