Revolver Maps

Monday, December 13, 2010

MY BIG SISTERS B-DAY :)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BIG SISTER ANGIE :) WE ARE GETTING OLD ROFL :) I LOVE YOU Hope YOU HAD A AWESOME B-DAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)
 Side by side
Or miles apart,
A sister like you ,
Is always close to the heart.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGIE



WOW  Another Monday How Time Is Flying >.< 
Hope You Had A Great Weekend Again Welcome Home To
My Son Eric :)

Todays Blog is Again NSFW :) What can I say I Like Grown Up Humor :)

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We Start Off With: Duuu Duu Da Duuuaaaaaaa

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Skinner's Sense of Snow  SEASON TWELVE
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Nelson: There you are! (Over walkie-talkie) Falcon to Eagle, have located Bag of Crap. 
Principal Skinner: Nelson, if you get me out of this there's a hall monitor position opening in the Spring.
Nelson: I spit on your monitors.
Principal Skinner: I know. That's why the position's available.


Skinner talking to the Hamster
Skinner: You did it, Nibbles! Now... chew through my ball sack!



You were sooooo HOT!!!

You: Hot. There's no other suitably words to describe you. Pure and simple.

Scorching, on fire, sizzling....no. Pure and simple you were incredibly hot. I

have not been the same since I saw you at lunch. I ache still with your memory.

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Who was I. I was the poor sorry schlub who put you in my mouth where you proceeded to burn it's roof with your cheesy saucy crusty goodness. Man, it hurts.
But I got you. I ate you down good. I don't suppose I'll see you again for some
hours and I'll be damned if you're ever that hot again. So take that.


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Rapist Snow Joke says Police Chief

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An icy spectre is stalking America's Midwest. A spectre whose crimes have so
shocked the sexually modest daughters of America, that many have fled to Florida
rather than risk a fate worse than death at his chilly hands—or possibly another, stiffer part of his frozen anatomy

The trouble started earlier this winter when several snowmen in the small town of Broken Springs, Michigan, were sexually assaulted by a rapist on the run. Police knew he was on the run because a trail of widely-spaced, incriminating footprints led away from his traumatized victims.


But as winter tightened its icy grip on this isolated, inbred community of 2,008 (not counting the sheep), the rapist continued his perverted sex-spree, despite the best efforts of the local police to
capture him.In a country that has built a multi-million dollar industry on the bizarre sexual fetishes of half of it's citizens while the other half live in fear of catching sight of a naked midriff, the serial rapist stalking Broken Springs has infected the population with a level of hysteria not seen since Janet Jackson exposed her left breast at the Superbowl


 Lured on by the prospect of immortality in America's annals of sexual perversion,
the chilly spectre has systematically worked his way through this terrified community, one snowtypeperson at a time. He has even taunted local law enforcement with letters to the media, signed 'Frosty’s Lover,' accompanied by cryptic messages such as, 'The Iceman Cometh again and again and again.'


Woman on the spot began by asking local police chief, Hank 'six pack' Fersticke,
if this wasn't just a schoolboy prank—or 'snow joke.'
"Snow joke?" snapped the 300 lb lawman. "Rapin' snowpersons
here. Residents have rights in Broken Springs, even if they do melt when the sun comes out. Some of the victims will need years of therapy, others have been so traumatized they've vanished without trace."
 

Jenna Jerkowitz, made an official complaint about trespassers in her yard. “But it
was no use investigating that ," sheriff Fersticke explained, "because all we would’ve found was our own footprints from a stake out to see what she was up to in that new hot tub of hers with one o' them illegal, Swiss Sex toys."
It wasn’t until after Christmas when Carl Peckerwood found what he described as a
'hole' in the buttocks of one of his snowmen that the sheriff began to suspect
foul play. Why Peckerwood was inspecting the buttocks of his snowmen at 4 o-clock
in the morning dressed only in his shorts has not been clearly established, but the Brokeback Mountain fan assured us that his curious kids found it first. 


After that, reports flooded in of snowmen being sodomized left, right and centre, as well as up and down and a few other positions even our reporter had never heard of.A snowman on the corner of Main and Butt streets was found with a pool cue buried between its semen-stained buttocks. Another was found lying on its back with its legs in the air in the local cemetery gasping for breath. 

In one brutal incident, a snowman was dismembered and anally violated with his own nose. But perhaps the most shocking discovery was made by local bartender, Jody Muffdiver, who discovered two snowomen in the back of her pickup truck engaged in what traumatized deputy, Wayne Daniels, described as 'unnatural acts of an un-American nature.'
 

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"I was shaken to the core," the shaken to the core police officer told us. "These rapes are bad enough, but those two snowmen—er…I mean, women—looked like they'd been sodomized while they were going down on each other. It was the sickest damn thing I've ever seen."

Rigorous scientific investigation, including forensic analysis and genetic
fingerprinting has revealed the rapist to be 'sensitive, yet secretive, with a
fondness for taking long walks on a beach at sunset.' Sheriff Fersticke assured

Us that an arrest was imminent, adding helpfully: "I urge all citizens to bring in their snowmen at night and be on the lookout for a suspicious lookin' man wearing size 11 boots sporting a frozen stiffy.


 I Want Money!
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  Hi,My Name Is Pedro
I want money.
I don't need it, just want it.
Will accept all kinds(pennies,hundred dollar bils,pesos,etc)
I have no skills nor desire to acquire any.
I have nothing to barter or sell.
Not willing to help you out around the house or help you move.
I am lazy and don't want to work, but still enjoy the finer things in life.
If you have any laying around, or want to go get a second job and just send me the check, let me know.
You can send it to my pay pal account as soon as you set one up for me.
Otherwise you can deliver it to my home.
No, I will not come pick it up.
We can set up monthly payments if it is more convenient for me, or you can just
give me a lump sum.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Pedro



Interview with a Christmas Sex Toy

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In an exclusive seasonal interview, a slippery sextoy comes clean about its steamy life between the sheets

By woman with her finger on the 'G' spot of America,
J. G.

J.G: "Good evening, Mr. Vibrator. Thank you for agreeing to this interview at such short notice. You must be very busy at this time of the year."
Mr. Vibrator: "Please, don't be so formal. I've seen you naked. Call me Fred."

JG: "Okay Fred. We're sure our readers are keen to know where you're coming from. Where were you born?"
Fred: "I was made in China by a rubber corporation with a thousand other vibrators. We must've looked quite funny; an assembly line of little soldiers wearing helmets, ready to fight the war against horniness. From there we were shipped to England. Damn lucky for us; they cut the heads off vibrators in Saudi Arabia, you know. America's not a lot better; it's no fun spending your life up the bottom of a 300-pound trucker from Texas. And no one ever wants to go to Russia because it's hard to stay hot in such a cold climate. Once in England we were divided up and shipped to different places. Most of us went to sex shops, some to schools and the unlucky buggers went to Catholic priests.”

JG: "Schools?"
Fred: "Oh yes. They hand us out in sex education classes, you know. English girls have the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the world—well, except for Texas. I guess they think that starting them off on vibrators at thirteen will keep them from getting pregnant."

JG: "And does it?"
Fred: "Hell no. Just makes them hornier than ever, luckily for us."

JG: "Fascinating, Fred. Do you like your job?"
Fred: "Love it. Who wouldn't? Sure, some days are harder than others. We vibrators can have headaches too, you know. But for the most part I wouldn't trade my job for any other."

JG: "Are there any special challenges at Christmas?"
Fred: "I'll say! Every parent who buys their daughter a vibrating Harry Potter Broom or an electric toothbrush at Christmas is putting a vibrator out of work. Not to mention all the scented advent candles, Yule logs and Craftsman tools. Some vibrators never recover from the trauma of rejection over the Christmas holidays."

JG: "Craftsman tools?"
Fred: "Screwdrivers mostly. Some girls will wank with anything just for the novelty."

JG: "What's the most difficult part of the job?"
Fred: "Shopping for shoes, I'd say."

JG: "Some have called you heartless womanisers who travel from woman to woman with no real commitment. How do you respond to those accusations?"

Fred: "Do womanisers generally make women happy? Because we always make women happy, and keeping women happy is an uphill job, let me tell you. Sometimes, it's a real bummer, but what the hell, somebody has to do the dirty jobs, right?"

JG: "Er, right, Fred. Is there anything you don't like about being a vibrator?"

Fred: "We've all heard the horror stories, about how unsuspecting vibrators are lured into bed some nights never to be heard of or felt from again. And the baby stories—please, don't leave us lying around if your baby is teething. That happened to my Uncle Ivor. One day Sharon left him lying on the coffee table. Next thing you know the baby was using him as a dummy, sucking him off like he was a lactating breast or something. Ivor was so mortified he committed suicide in the toilet. I mean what a humiliation for a bloke called Ivor Biggun!"

JG: "Is there anything you're really afraid of?"

Fred: "Being an agnostic—with Buddhist leanings, I've always feared the Church
handling me. I had a cousin that happened to. One minute he was minding his own
business hanging next to a tube of KY Jelly at a posh sex shop in the King's Road,
and the next he was taking turns walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death
with two very curious and liberated nuns. It wasn't all bad, though. He got Sundays off."

JG: "Any final words to our readers?"
Fred: "A sex toy is not just for Christmas. If you leave us in the bottom of the wardrobe to gather dust after the festive fun is over, don't complain about your pussy itching when you finally require our services. Here's another thing most women don't realise. If our batteries run down, we're not completely useless. Just talk dirty to us. Hell, we love that!"

JG: "Thank you for your time, Fred, you nasty cum guzzler."
Fred: "You're welcome. Now turn that bloody tape recorder off, stand under that 
mistletoe and drop your knickers!"



WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE SANTA CLAUS HOAX


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I believed in Santa Claus until I was 12.  I held on because I refused to accept that my parents and every other adult in the country were lying to children.  It just didn't make sense.  Fortunately I learned a thing or two from the incident.




Things such as:

1) Lying to children is okay.  Doesn't matter that you teach children that lying

is bad, and that if they're bad then Santa Claus won't come.  Tricking children

into behaving is much easier than actually doing your job as a parent.  When I

have kids, I'll tell them if they don't clean their room, the monster that lives

under their bed will come out at night and rip their faces off.  Hey, whatever

works.

2) God's probably fake, too.  Parents tell you that Santa's real, and even though

you can't see him and there's no proof he exists, you have to believe anyway.  

Then they try the same trick on adults with God.  Sorry, guys.  Fool me once.     

3) That guy at the mall in the red suit?  Probably a pedophile.  Yeah, turns out

that guy at the mall whose lap I sat on wasn't really Santa after all.  He was

just some dude with a very pointy lap.  Some creepy old dude who can't get a real

job and wants children as close to his groin as possible.  Okay, not all mall

Santas are pedophiles.  Probably only 93 or 94 percent.  I still say that's too many
Poor Santa he's Getting a Bad rap ")
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SOME OFF THE WALL FUNNIES  :)

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NOW IT 'S TIME FOR .................

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This One Made Me Laugh SOOOO Hard :) 
It Has A Frikin Tooth Brush !!!
I Turn You on TO
(no pun intended)
THE Swiss Wonder Wabbits
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I AM SO GOING TO HELL 
ROFL :)




TODAYS MOVIE PIC and QUOTE
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The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)
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Balthazar Blake: This is the Merlin Circle. It focuses your energy. Helps you master new spells. It is where you will learn the Art. Step inside, you leave everything else behind. Once you enter, there is no going back.
Dave Stutler: So I should probably pee first?



HAVE A AWSOME MONDAY
DON'T WORK TO HARD ...SMILE
and REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED :)
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MORENO 10



Christmas funny deer and Santa singing Basketcase by Greenday 


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NOW My I Have My Cake Please :)

blog start time 9.am S.A time
finish 1:41 p.m S.A time 

                                                                              

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  Elvis Presley I Got Stung 




 



Holy smoke
A land sakes alive!
I never thought this could happen to me

Mm, yeah! Mm, yeah!

I got stung by a sweet honey bee
Oh, what a feeling come over me
It started in my eyes
Crept up to my head
Flew to my heart
Till I was stung dead
I'm done, uh-uh
I got stung!

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Mm, yeah! Mm, yeah!

She had all that I wanted and more
And I've seen honey bees before
Started buzzin' in my ear
Buzzin' in my brain
Got stung all over
But I feel no pain
I'm done, uh-uh
I got stung!

Now, don't think I'm complainin'
I'm might pleased we met
'Cause yo
ffb
u gimme just one little peck
On the back of my neck
And I break out in a cold cold sweat
If I live to a hundred and two
I won't let nobody sting me but you
I'll be buzzin' 'round your hive
Ev'ry day at five
And I'm never gonna leave once I arrive
'Cause I'm done
Uh-uh, I got stung!    

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all i want
               

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