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Hello Folk,
Welp I must say Good Bye , It Is with Great sadness that i was told the End Of the World is tomorrow .
No Really and I read It Too on The Net So Jesus Christ ( opps) It must be true. ROFL Look at the Proff People !!! I Mean Shit Spend Your Kids Collage Money!!! Defrost That Turky!!! THE END IS NEAR I MEAN HERE !!
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End of the world, May 21, 2011? Whatever, it’s funny – CBS News
by world ending may 21st - Google News on May.18, 2011,
by world ending may 21st - Google News on May.18, 2011,
under Breaking News
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That SUX I will die b4 you and Angie will die b4 me
damn time zones :)
This Bring me to my next funny thing
One Of My Fave Simpsons Epis.
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"Thank God, It's Doomsday" is the nineteenth episode of The Simpsons' sixteenth season.
"Homer Simpson: In a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane "
No I am not Going to play that damn " It's the end of the world as we know it" song
Now Back to the Show :)
How the word Boob was invented....
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5 Reasons NOT to Watch Bears Having Sex
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We all know you want to watch bears having sex. That much we know. But whatever you do, resist that urge. If you see two bears making sweet sweet love, run away. As fast as you can. Here’s why:
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1. If they become aware of your presence, they will make eye contact with you while they climax. A beargasm lasts up to 23 minutes and you will be frozen in fear as they stare you down without blinking for nearly a half-hour, depositing four gallons of semen into their partner. And into your soul.
climax.jpg2. If you do catch them climaxing, and oh boy will they climax, the male bear will let out a deafening roar. And I don’t know how it’s possible, but that roar will sound remarkably like the name of your deceased dog.
3. Bears are known to pick their next mate while beargasming. The only criteria they use for choosing a lover is hearing someone say “Oh look! Two bears doing it! Let’s watch!” Based on scientific fact, there’s a 100% chance you’ll say this when you randomly encounter two bears having sex. Do not! Otherwise, you’re next. And if you need a reminder as to why this is a bad idea…23 minute orgasm.
4. Bears having sex is illegal in 48 out of 50 states. The moment you witness a bear inside another bear and decide to watch for a few hours, you are an accomplice to a crime. The jail sentence varies, but it's usually no more than six months. Not so bad. But the catch is you must share a cell with one of the bears. Also, see #3.
climax.jpg2. If you do catch them climaxing, and oh boy will they climax, the male bear will let out a deafening roar. And I don’t know how it’s possible, but that roar will sound remarkably like the name of your deceased dog.
3. Bears are known to pick their next mate while beargasming. The only criteria they use for choosing a lover is hearing someone say “Oh look! Two bears doing it! Let’s watch!” Based on scientific fact, there’s a 100% chance you’ll say this when you randomly encounter two bears having sex. Do not! Otherwise, you’re next. And if you need a reminder as to why this is a bad idea…23 minute orgasm.
4. Bears having sex is illegal in 48 out of 50 states. The moment you witness a bear inside another bear and decide to watch for a few hours, you are an accomplice to a crime. The jail sentence varies, but it's usually no more than six months. Not so bad. But the catch is you must share a cell with one of the bears. Also, see #3.
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While your bear sex textbooks (sextbooks) may say otherwise, a bear’s vagina bears a strong resemblance to your face. No matter what you look like. And a bear’s penis, well, looks like a bear’s penis. But put them together, and you’ve got a mental image for the rest of your life. Unless that’s your thing. And in that case, this list may be retitled “5 Reasons To Catch Bears Having Sex ”
6 Reasons NOT To Have Sex With Your Robot
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NOTE: This was written in the year 2162
1. We live in a society blessed with having the technology to build robots capable of interacting with humans and evoking, albeit artificial, emotions. They have a function. And that function is not to be your sex slave. That's first and foremost. Plus, there is no need for the robot to fill that role since Congress passed the "Everybody Is Permitted One Sex Slave" bill in 2156. Let's not get greedy.
2. Sex was not your robot's original purpose. Most likely when you acquired your robot, be it the standard KL39 available at Target or one you assembled from scratch, you did not intend to one day have sex with it. As you know, the "Domesticated Robot Boom" of 2140 was a direct response to what was known as the "Unironic Jetsons Drought" of 2138, which was of course, the natural result of the "Unironic Jetsons Boom" of 2130.
3. Your robot is designed to compact large metal objects into pocket-sized waste. Think about what it can do to your jambone.*
4. When it comes to personality, all robots come with a blank slate. You filled in the gaps. Since the great "Celebrate Your Soul Before It's Stolen by General Zooooog" movement of 2104, all humans have forced their personality, likes, dislikes, fears, joys, anxieties, jimpans, and idroots into everything they encounter. What does this mean? That your robot has taken on your personality. Having sexual relations with your domesticated robot would be like having sex with yourself. This of course, violates "No Unnatural Sexual Thoughts" ordinance of 2098, which is punishable by death.
5. Since your robot has taken on the personality of someone well aware of society's laws, it will be keenly aware of the illegality of your sexual advances and will fight off any attempts you have at making love to it. Since you likely configured it with the Hotwired History™ data chip, it knows of, and is greatly troubled by, the "You Can't Rape Robots" bill that was passed in 2118.
6. On the off-chance that your robot enjoys the sex, it will celebrate its orgasm by ripping your arms out of their sockets and murdering your family.
*Assuming you underwent the government ordered Jambone/Penis switcharoo in 2152.
5 Kids Cartoons That Are Wildly Inappropriate for Kids.
Are these cartoons meant for kids? Absolutely. Should you let your child watch these cartoons? The title of this article would suggest that's not the best idea.
Ren and Stimpy
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If you're going to try and explain this show to kids, first you need to teach them what an acid trip is. Then you need to teach them what a bad acid trip is. Then you need to explain what too many bad acid trips will do to your brain: make you a successful animator. "Ren and Stimpy" was on the tail end of Snick (its closing credits were my last chance to get a good night's sleep before "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" scared the shit out of me) but it was often times more disturbing than the spooky stories it preceded. Characters would frequently go completely insane, usually turning psychotically violent. There were disgusting insert shots that highlighted parts of the body I didn't know could grow hair/leak mucus. Also, tons of butts all over the place constantly. Freud would be at a loss. I'm amazed most of my generation didn't wind up in therapy or on drugs until I remember that everyone I know is either in therapy or on drugs.
Batman: The Animated Series
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The Joker tries to kill three people on live Christmas eve television. The Scarecrow unleashes hallucinogenic gas that forces Batman to deal with lingering guilt of his parents' death. Those are two of the first episodes. Other things in the first ten episodes: Some runaway kids are living in the sewer after turning to a life of crime to survive. A dude is capturing the many homeless people of Gotham and putting them in labor camps where he works them to death. That is kind of heavy stuff for Saturday morning. What ever happened to bad guys just robbing a bank? I understand that rounding up the numerous homeless people to work for no wages is another a way to get rich, and a more realistic one at that, but it's also kind of a bummer. This whole show was kind of a bummer. Even when Batman wins, we all lose because we live in such a dark and broken world. Thanks for the lesson in life, Batman! Almost got to enjoy my childhood without trying to get a grip on difficult socioeconomic/class issues.
Rocko's Modern Life
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Had to do a refresher course on this show before including it on this list. I remembered it was weird, but couldn't come up with any specifics. After watching 3 minutes of an episode, here's what happened: Heffer was looking for something to watch on TV, mindlessly flipping through channels, when you hear a news reporter say the presidential motorcade has arrived followed by screams and gunfire. Heffer changes the channel and complains that there is nothing on TV when the President OBVIOUSLY just got assassinated! LOL! It's hilarious, get it? You know, for kids. Then he lands on a home shopping network called Labot-o-Shop, a zany reference to one of the most inhumane surgeries ever performed. Rocko's life may have been a little too modern for kids, dealing with issues like capitalism and a consumer's insatiable greed. I remember an episode where Rocko gets into massive credit card debt and another one where he gets hired as a phone sex worker. Maybe Rocko should've lived in the 50's, but then the show would just be about racists and the Communist threat.
Looney Tunes
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There's nothing wrong with cross dressing. If you want to wear clothes that aren't conventional for your gender, that's fine. Gender, sex and sexuality are all very complex things and maybe there's no right age to learn about that. HOWEVER: if you are a guy dressing up like a lady to trick a stuttering hick with a shotgun into doing or not doing something, you are asking for trouble. Plain and simple. Teaching anyone anything else is just irresponsible. Beyond that, there's a skunk who's basically a rapist and a mouse from Mexico that's so blatantly offensive he's been removed from the re-runs. Also, I can't think of another show with so many characters who just hated each other for practically no reason. "Hey, I hate you and I'm going to chase you down until I kill you!" seems like a rational approach towards people who are different from you. Let's impart that on the future generations.
The Little Mermaid
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Everyone knows about the boner the priest gets at the end of this movie, right? We all know about it. It's weird. It's right there at the end of the movie, and once you know what you're looking for you can't miss it. Also, the penis drawn on the cover of the VHS. While this stuff is very weird and super creepy of Disney, those dicks are things you discover as an adult and not the real reason kids shouldn't see this movie. Ariel is a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL WHEN SHE GETS MARRIED. Let me just run that back one more time. Sixteen. Teaching girls they can grow up to be a princess two times over (she was already royalty and then married a prince) is unreasonable, but it's also unlikely. Teaching them they can get married at 16, to an 18 year old boy, is unreasonable but it's also extremely doable. Kids are dumb! Basically the dumbest, second only to grad students. Let's just teach girls to run around in bikinis at age 16 until they find a nice senior in high school to lock down. What could go wrong? BRB, going to watch 10 episodes of "16 and Pregnant" on my DVR.
WINNER OF THE HOMER SIMPSON
LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST!
If this does not make you laugh out loud then there is NO hope for you..
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Seriously Japan, for realsies? At least it doesn't involve tentacle rape... Oh
wait, the last image is a foot being raped by a fucking tentacle. Classy.
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That Is All I Have For Today Lots Of Work To Do :)
TODAYS MOVIE PIC and QUOTE "O-DE- DAY " Is ...........
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Soul Surfer (2011)
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@scotty yelling
Bethany Hamilton: Love is bigger than any tidal wave or fear.
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| MORENO 10 |
@scotty yelling
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Elvis Presley Teddy Bear
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Baby let me be,
your lovin' Teddy Bear
Put a chain around my neck,
and lead me anywhere
Oh let me be
Your teddy bear.
I don't wanna be a tiger
Cause tiger plays too rough
I don't wanna be a lion
'Cause lion isn't the kind
you love enough.
Just wanna be, your Teddy Bear
Put a chain around my neck
and lead me anywhere
Oh let me be
Your teddy bear.
Baby let me be, around
you every night
Run your fingers through my hair,
And cuddle me real tight
Bethany Hamilton: Love is bigger than any tidal wave or fear.
your lovin' Teddy Bear
Put a chain around my neck,
and lead me anywhere
Oh let me be
Your teddy bear.
I don't wanna be a tiger
Cause tiger plays too rough
I don't wanna be a lion
'Cause lion isn't the kind
you love enough.
Just wanna be, your Teddy Bear
Put a chain around my neck
and lead me anywhere
Oh let me be
Your teddy bear.
Baby let me be, around
you every night
Run your fingers through my hair,
And cuddle me real tight
Bethany Hamilton: Love is bigger than any tidal wave or fear.
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