Tuesday, December 28, 2010

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Good Morning/ Afternoon ... I Hope You Had A Good Day Yesterday :) Today Is Alot Of Funny Reads ,
So Site Back and Enjoy the Ride .. Let Us Begin............ ........   ..........   .......   ..........
NOW :)

Now that Ramalamadingdong is over . . .

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. . . the students at Obama’s madrassa have donned their bibs and are ready to
take full advantage of all you can eat rib night at Applebees.

Fun with math: Nancy Pelosi edition . . .
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SomeThing New I will be doing From Time To Time

INTRODUCING MR. MOKEY SPEAK .... ( I Need A Name For Him So If You Have One

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 free helth cair for dum stoopids

dum stoopid heelbilly neocon jues! y u no want free helth cair? how dum stoopid can u bee?

y u so racist agenst obama? is it cuz hees black an ur a dum stoopid? u racist

astrotruf dum stoopid angree mobs! u only agenst helth cair cuz u paid off by

insurance companees to be racist agenst helth cair. u no even no wut u talk about!

u listen to queen dum stoopid sarah palin about death panels. she make dat up out

of her stoopid brain. no such thing. she so dum stoopid dat when she go befor

helth panel dey weel decide to youthanize her cuz she too dum for guvment to pay for.

y u not listen to obama? y u want bad dum stoopid helth cair ware doctors steel

feet and tonsels and giv u expensiv red pill? u too dum too liv if u want dat.

helth panel shud decide to youthanize u too!

no. dat too harsh. me sorree. i giv u free check up. me new doctor under helth

cair plan. me charg littul an keep cost down. so cum close so i can get a look at u.

uh oh. i see problem. sumting wrong wit ur eyes. it no good. dey have to come out…



oh. im sorree. hosing off blind peepul covered in poo not paid for by new guvment
helth cair. but since u dum stoopid heelbilly neocon jue we will youthanize u for free.

And That WAS MR. Monkey Speaks ( sounds a little on the left to me )

Enemy Know Thy : Suspicious Packages
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We may be all focused on election issues right now, but beyond silly politics we
have to remember the important fact that there are still people out there who want
Americans dead. To highlight that point, bombs were mailed out Friday. They were
stopped, but what if they had been delivered? Then citizens would have to be
dealing with suspicious packages on their own. To help with that, I had my crack
research staff find out all they could about suspicious packages so everyone can
be more prepared in the future.


* Suspicious packages date all the way back to ancient times with enemies would
mail each other saber-toothed tigers.

* Just remember, the package is even more suspicious of you.

* Don’t be suspicious of a package just because it’s in a dark box. That’s racist.

* Just because the package contains a bomb doesn’t mean it’s suspicious. Check
your Amazon account to make sure you didn’t order a bomb while you were drunk.

* Don’t rush to open a suspicious package just because it says, “Free Candy!” on
the outside. Then again, don’t wait too long because it might be a type of candy
that could spoil.

* If you have a suspicious package, call the police and have them open it. You can
also do that if you have a normal looking package that you’re just too lazy to

* If you hear a ticking sound coming from a suspicious package, open it
immediately because Cogsworth could be trapped inside!

* If the package is from Yemen and doesn’t contain a bomb, that’s actually pretty suspicious.

* Shake any package you receive really really hard before opening to subdue any
angry squirrels that might be packed inside.

* Be suspicious of any package with wires sticking out of it… unless you ordered a
bunch of wires from Radio Shack. In that case, you’re the weirdo to be suspicious of.

* In battle between Aquaman and a suspicious package, Aquaman knows to be
suspicious of any package since he doesn’t really have any friends who send him
anything and the only packages he ever receives are traps from Black Manta. Then

* Be suspicious of any package with white powder on it. Try tasting the powder; if
it tastes sweet, it’s okay. If it tastes anthraxy, that could be trouble.

* If you’re mailing a package that you accidentally made suspicious looking,
write, “Not a bomb!” on the outside to help out the recipient.

* Even if a suspicious package has a bomb in it, if it was sent cross country by
UPS it’s most likely too smashed up to be operative.

Tips About Visiting Yellowstone National Park
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I have not visited Yellowstone Park, but I’d thought I’d compile some tips about

the park to help anyone else who is planning to visit there.


* Make sure any ranger station you visit is an actual ranger station listed on the
maps of Yellowstone. Bears often set up phony ranger stations and maul anyone who

* Yellowstone sits on a miles wide super volcano, so when visiting the park always
know where the nearest virgin is in case you need to offer a sacrifice to stave
off an explosion.

* Buffalo are extremely docile creatures unless you make fun of their street

* If you shoot a bear for stealing your picnic basket, it’s not considered
self-defense. Especially if you also shoot and kill his little tag-along.

* If you are surrounded by a wolf pack, yell really loud and kick the largest one
in the head to assert your dominance. Now they will be your wolf pack and punish
your enemies.

* Don’t get angry when the park rangers yell at you for peeing in a geyser. Hot
steam comes out of those, so they’re just looking out for your wang.

* If a grizzly bear seems hostile, that just means it needs a hug.

* During a thunderstorm, stay away from moose. Their antlers attract lightning
bolts. Each male moose gets struck by lightning an average of eight times per

* Old Faithful only get its name because it seems so faithful compared to the
other geysers which are all lying sluts.

* Remember to bring bear mace with you in case while visiting Yellowstone you need
to spray someone in the face that you’re bounty hunting.

* Even though your tax dollars pay their salary, park rangers in Yellowstone get
pretty pissy when you start shooting random animals in the face.

* If you are chased by a bear, play dead. If you are chased by wolves, play undead
as they’re scared of zombies.

* If while driving through Yellowstone you count how many trees there are, you win
a prize.

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* Piracy started quite accidentally when one ship crew realized how fun it was to
board another ship while yelling “Arr!” and laughing heartily.

* Today’s pirates tend to have AK-47s instead of muskets which is considered
cheating. Don’t let a Navy SEAL catch you cheating!

* If you see a man with a long beard, it could be the fearsome Blackbeard the
pirate! If the beard is somewhat light colored, he’s probably just a member of ZZ
Top. Either way, use caution.

* If people plunder you on the sea, that piracy. If people plunder you on land,
that’s the Obama administration.

* Many pirates settled in Canada where after years of peace and maple syrup, their
“Arr!” faded into an “Eh”.

* No matter how much a pirate says to do it, he’ll actually get angry if you shake
his timbers.

* Piracy is covered by the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea,
meaning that, following an attack by pirates, the U.N. will debate the issue for
months before passing a resolution demanding that pirates think about what they
are doing, and that if the pirates keep being pirates, the U.N. will consider
passing another resolution.

* Reason why so many pirates are missing limbs and eyes: Fred Thompson.

* A lot of people when boarding your ship may claim to be pirates, but make sure
to ask for identification. If someone is murdering your crew and stealing your
booty but doesn’t have the proper ID, make sure to report it to the pirate union.

* In response to piracy, Obama plans to open talks with Tortuga with no

* The United States has not ratified the United Nations Convention on the Law of
the Sea, meaning that if pirates capture a U.S. vessel, Navy SEALs can shoot the
pirates in the head.

* The pirate flag of skull and cross bones is called the “Jolly Roger” because
whoever decided to name it was really gay.

* Jolly Ranchers have no relation to the Jolly Roger… that I know of. To be on the
safe side, though, if you see a bunch of Jolly Rancher wrappers lying about, be
prepared for a pirate attack!

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* The Marine Hymn lyrics “to the shores of Tripoli” refer to the U.S. response to
the Barbary Pirates in the early 19th century. If the Somali pirates understood
English, they’d have known not to screw around with the American military.

* If surrounded by pirates, ask for “parlay”. That will give you time to escape
while they look that up on Wikipedia.

* If someone boards your land going vessel and steals it, that’s a carjacker, not
a pirate. You can still run him through with a cutlass, though.

* If 4 Somali teenagers get in a boat and call themselves pirates, they can
capture a boat with a crew of 21. If those same teenagers try to capture a Ford
pickup in Alabama, their bullet-riddled bodies will be found with tire tracks
across their backs.

* A pirate ship can be recognized by the bumper sticker: “Pirates get more booty”

* If pirates take someone hostage, you’ll probably get the person back unharmed if
you pay the ransom. You’ll also get the person back unharmed if you shoot all the
pirates dead, plus that’s cheaper.

* And funnier.

* Cap’n Crunch gained his commission and command of the Good Ship Guppy after
bringing Jean LaFoote, the Barefoot Pirate, to justice.

* Pirates idea to bury their treasure ending up being quite a sound investment
strategy this past year.

* Captain Hook, the pirate nemesis of Peter Pan, attended Eton College. Hook, the
starting quarterback in his team’s Sugar Bowl loss to Florida, fumbled on the goal
line when the Gators’ middle linebacker bit off his hand.

* You may be able to avoid getting attacked by pirates if you drape a sign over
the side of your vessel reading, “Radio Broken”.

* Long John Silver began his adult career as a pirate, but discovered he had a
talent for cooking. He gave up his life of crime to open a series of Burger King
franchises after his successful lawsuit against Jerrico, Inc.

* If you’re really worried about pirates, go to Taco Bell. I’ve never seen one
there, and I like their chalupas.

* The most famous historical pirates are Edward Teach (Blackbeard), Jean Lafitte,
William Kidd, and Willie Stargell.

* When fighting pirates, you may think the man with the big hat is the leader, but
it’s actually the parrot on his shoulder. Take that bird out first!

* Privateers are often confused with pirates. The main difference is that the
president has called for an end to privacy.

* The plank is a result of pirates starting to build a second connected ship and
then just getting too lazy.

* Some famous pirates in literature are Captain Jack Sparrow, the Dread Pirate
Roberts, and Joe Biden.

* Pirates are vulnerable to cutlasses, scurvy, and sniper-bullets to the head.

* In a fight between Aquaman and pirates, Aquaman would… hmm, enemies at sea. This
one is actually a job for Aquaman. Weird.

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Hamas sure seems to like provoking Jews into killing them, so as a public service
I thought I’d send my crack research staff to revisit and revise their facts about
Hamas before research about Hamas becomes a job solely for anthropologists.

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* Hamas was founded in 1987 according to some site I found with Google. I was
eight years old then and wanted to be a fireman or an astronaut. Blowing up Jews
had not crossed my mind.

* Hamas is Arabic for “dumb @#$% with explosives”.

* Contrary to popular belief, Hamas has nothing to do with ham. Actually, if you
throw hams at them, they’ll get angry.

* Make sure to keep Hamas away from your Jews.

* I don’t like to loosely throw around charges of anti-Semitism, but I don’t think
Hamas members like Jews.

* Hamas protects their armaments by hiding them among children so Israel will
hesitate to shoot back. For a ground war, Hamas is planning on wearing vests
covered in live puppies. Killing terrorists isn’t worth harming an innocent puppy,
is it?

* If you’re surrounded by members of Hamas, shout, “One of you is secretly a Jew!”
Then watch them shoot each other while screaming, “Who Jew?” It’s high-larious!

* One of the reasons that they keep attacking is that none of the Hamas members
knows what “ceasefire” means and are too embarrassed to ask.

* If a Hamas member says he wants peace, it’s a trick! Shoot him the head.

* If a Hamas member says he wants to borrow the sports section from your
newspaper, it’s a trick! Shoot him in the head.

* Hamas has a wing that’s devoted to charities. It’s a lot like the Salvation
Army… if the Salvation Army murdered Jews.

* Actually, if you see a guy ringing a bell around Christmas, make sure he’s with
Salvation Army and not a Hamas member before you give him money.

* If you’re in a cafe in Israel, and someone runs in there and indiscriminately
starts shooting people, he could be a member of Hamas, so be careful.

* Hamas is a big part of the “cycle of violence”. They launch rockets at Israel,
and then Israel is like, “Hey, don’t do that.” And thus the cycle of violence

* The cycle of violence will continue on forever… or until Israel finally gets fed
up and nukes the crap out of everyone.

* If you think you see a Hamas member, make sure to report him to the nearest
heavily armed Jew.

* Hamas’s objective is to act like crazed murders to provoke Israel into a larger
war where all the Muslim world comes together to destroy Israel. So far it hasn’t
worked since the rest of the Muslim world like getting killed by Jews even less
than Hamas.

* Hell, even I don’t like getting killed by Jews.

* If Hamas were actually able to destroy Israel, they would then go on to form the
Muslim version of a utopia, i.e., ignorant Muslims killing each other over pieces
of God-forsaken land. So it would be pretty much like the rest of the Middle East.

* Actually, without the oil, there really isn’t much of a point to that region, is
there? We probably wouldn’t even bother mapping the area and just write “Here
there be tygers.” But I digress.

* In a fight between Hamas and Aquaman, Hamas members would run into the ocean to
try and suicide bomb Aquaman and all drown. Good job, Aquaman.

* Hamas tends to yell and complain a lot when Israel targets and kills their
leaders, but they don’t like it when Israel targets and kills their children
either. Hey, pick one and shut up.

* Sometimes Hamas members blow themselves up in their own apartments when they try
making bombs. That makes me giggle. Hee hee.

* Many liberals feel a great amount of sympathy for Hamas as they’re a lot alike
since they’re both misunderstood, smelly, and wish to indiscriminately kill the

* Members of Hamas, much like the northern short-tailed shrew, are largely

* Maybe Isarelis and Hamas could all get along if they just hugged.

* No! Don’t hug the Hamas members; it’s a trick! They’re just going to blow up!

* For most combatants, the object is to kill the enemy while not being killed.
Hamas had the idea, “Hey, what if we kill the enemy and kill ourselves at the same
time?” And thus suicide bombing was born. It’s not a great idea, but you have to
give Hamas props for thinking outside the box.

* Hamas won’t rest until the Jews are pushed out into the sea. That will
significantly improve the GDP of the sea.

* If you make a Mexican laugh, and he wants an encore, he’d say, “Ha! Mas!”

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* Achmed WOULD KICK THEIR ASS :)       

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The Killer Inside Me (2010)
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Billy Boy Walker: A weed is just a plant out of place. 

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 I LIKE THIS SONG IT Has Good Nice Smooth Beat
I Think i will add Quotes sometimes too ROFL
cause i am almost out of songs Have To find
another band or person :) 

"I have no use for bodyguards, but I have a very special use for two highly trained certified public accountants. "
Elvis Presley (1935 - 1977) US singer.

Elvis Presley A big Hunk o' Love 


Hey baby, I ain't askin' much of you
No no no no no no no no baby, I ain't askin' much of you
Just a big-a big-a hunk o' love will do

Don't be a stingy little mama
You're 'bout to starve me half to death
Well you can spare a kiss or two and
Still have plenty left, no no no
Baby, I ain't askin' much of you
Just a big-a big-a hunk o' love will do

You're just a natural born beehive
Filled with honey to the top
Well I ain't greedy baby
All I want is all you got, no no no
Baby, I ain't askin' much of you
Just a big-a big-a hunk o' love will do

I got wishbone in my pocket
I got a rabbit's foot 'round my wrist
You know I'd have all the things
these lucky charms could bring
If you'd give me just one sweet
kiss, no no no no no no no
Baby, I ain't askin' much of you
Just a big-a big-a hunk o' love will do

ROFL I JUST CAME ACROSS  This and had to share
Uganda's 1st Annual Cake Festival 
Scheduled for the 7th of May 2011 at the Africana Hotel, Nile Hall. 

Sharpen your appetite for mouth watering creativity and talent of all types of cake and dessert. 
Vanilla, Chocolate, Banana, Raspberry, Apple, The Blackforest, Marble, Carrot cakes and that’s not all, there is more.....and they are all in different shapes and colours. 
Cake Festival 2011 will be a charitable event where the funds collected will be donated to Watoto Church specifically targeted for the Watoto orphans, Bala Children’s Home and Charity Peace for Children orphans. ( if the lil' guys ever get to see it , Gov. will split it and take 99.9 % of it)
Come braced for this exciting occasion.

Ummm They Eat Cake in  Uganda ? Not Being Rude But ummmmm
OK OK I am Being Cynical
cake festival uganda

 cake cake cake

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