Revolver Maps

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Thong Day Thursday :)

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WELCOME HOME SEAN !!!
It Will Be Nice For MoM TO HAVE 
ALL HER BOYS HOME, FOR
CHRISTMAS :)
Glade You Made It Home Safe


  Some Poem I Found

Mr. Christmas
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Mr. Christmas, why am I feelin’ so lonely?
Mr. Christmas, why am I here without her?
Mr. Christmas, I loved her with all of my heart,
Mr. Christmas, why did fate tear us apart?

Dreamin…., how I used to welcome this season,
But lately…., it leaves me out in the cold,
With the lowest, emptiest feelin'!

Mr. Christmas, why does the sun shine so brightly?
Mr. Christmas, why does the laughter go on?
Mr. Christmas, the choirs are sounding so happy,
Mr. Christmas, don't they know they were all I depended upon...?
Mr. Christmas, please tell them my hopes are all gone!



Four Stages of Life
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1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.



Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
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Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

NARCISSISTIC: Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and . . .

PARANOID: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me

PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna
Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

DEPRESSION: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is
Lonely

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, ........ (better start
again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: On The First Day of Christmas My True Love
Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.


How to Confuse Santa:
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1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you
think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he
would mind watering your plants.

4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then
wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he
sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!



WHY CHRISTMAS TREES ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
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 - When you dress it up with silver and gold, it doesn’t look like a cheap hooker.
- A Christmas tree will never complain if you compare it to another bush.
- A Christmas tree will stay up late, watch a porno with you, and won’t say, “Hey,
look at the size of that one … I didn’t know they made ‘em that big!”
- Christmas trees actually like when you use exotic electrical devices.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have a plastic one in the closet.
- It always smells fresh as a forest.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you watch football all day or go to a strip club after work.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get possessive if you want to let your neighbor use your balls.
- You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you look up underneath it.
- When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get jealous around other Christmas trees.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of
your pickup truck.


For The Lady
WHY CHRISTMAS TREES ARE BETTER THAN MEN

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 - A Christmas tree is always erect.
- Even small ones give satisfaction.
- A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
- A Christmas tree always looks good – even when it’s lit.
- A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
- A Christmas tree has cute balls.
- You can throw a Christmas tree out when it wears out.
- You don’t have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls.
- You only have to feed/water it once a week.
- It’s always there to light up your life.
- It gets turned on only when you want it turned on.
- It always smells nice and doesn’t pass gas.
- If it needles you, you can toss it out.
- It doesn’t ask you to have little Christmas trees.


CHANGING CHRISTMAS:
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A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. . .Please read the following carefully:

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to
serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Canada and the northern boarder states.

As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and
cookies so keep that in mind. However, I made certain that your children will be


in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.


His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of    
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

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Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has
a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola
and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe.
He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus; sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead of
reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and
Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

4. You won’t hear On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen . . ., when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and
Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty.

5. Ho, ho, ho! has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear
Bubba’s elves respond, “I herd dat!”

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite
Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back off”. The last I heard it
also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is a Ford or Chevy logo
with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me
(Santa Claus) going wee-wee on the Tooth Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and It’s a
“Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,
you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring
Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each
other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife,
and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like “Rudolph The
Red-nosed Reindeer” and Bing Crosby’s “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”. This year
songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South.
Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt’s “Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox”, Cledus
T. Judd “All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack”, and Hank Williams
Jr.’s “If You Don’t Like Bubba Claus, You can Shove It.

Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus
(member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)



The Politically Correct 12 Days Of Christmas
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On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

 




TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, 

ELEVEN pipers
piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of
the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),


TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,


NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,


EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,


SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, 


SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint
at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been
reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)


FOUR hours of recorded whale songs


THREE deconstructionist poets


TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and…


ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.



 Pick-Up Lines From Santa's Elves:
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"No, no, I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks at Keebler."                      
"You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig."
"I taught Santa everything he knows."
"I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."
"Even Santa doesn't make candy as sweet as you."
"I've got the keys to the sleigh tonight."
"I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man."
"I can get you off the Naughty List." 



Twas 9 days before Christmas
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Twas 9 days before Christmas when all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying nor taking a stand.

Why the PC Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas – no one could say.

The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people’s feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a ” Holiday “.

Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!

Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets are hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe’s the word Christmas – was no where to be found.

At K-Mart and Staples and Penny’s and Sears
You won’t hear the word Christmas; it won’t touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-is-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.

Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.

And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.

So as you celebrate “Winter Break” under your “Dream Tree”
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday !

BELOW IS ADULTS ONLY :)
 
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 'Twas the Night Before Christmas - Adult Style  
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'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"


THE TWELVE DAY OF CHRISTMAS

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ROFL  Man People Think of the Funniest Things
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TODAY'S MOVIE PIC and QUOTE
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Drive Thru (2007)
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Van: [about a Ouija board] Dude, we can dial up Marilyn Manson with this shit? Let's get it on!
Chuck Taylor: Don't hurt me, man.
Horny the Clown: Hurt you? I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash 'em right the fuck in!
Detective Dwayne Crockers: [to a guy wearing a hospital gown] Your balls are showing.



HAVE A AWESOME DAY 
DON'T WORK TO HARD 
SMILE
AND REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED
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MORENO 10
cake cake cake cake !!! :) squrmpsuouse cake please ")


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Elvis Presley 
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Words

Smile an everlasting smile

A smile can bring you near to me

Don't ever let me find you gone

'Cause that could bring a tear to me

This words have lost their glory,

Let's start a brand new story, now my love

Right now there'll be no other time

And I can show you all my love

Talk in everlasting words

And dedicate them all to me

I will give you all my life

It's here if you should call to me

You think that I don't even mean

A single word I say

It's only words and words are all I have

To take your heart away


 Some Poem I Found

Mr. Christmas

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Mr. Christmas, why am I feelin’ so lonely?
Mr. Christmas, why am I here without her?
Mr. Christmas, I loved her with all of my heart,
Mr. Christmas, why did fate tear us apart?

Dreamin…., how I used to welcome this season,
But lately…., it leaves me out in the cold,
With the lowest, emptiest feelin'!

Mr. Christmas, why does the sun shine so brightly?
Mr. Christmas, why does the laughter go on?
Mr. Christmas, the choirs are sounding so happy,
Mr. Christmas, don't they know they were all I depended upon...?

Mr. Christmas, please tell them my hopes are all gone!







cake is good :) i want cake

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